Bad dreams; nightmares even. I’ve been having bad dreams all week. They aren’t scary dreams, not like the ones where I loose control of my car and careen into off a bridge or a cliff. I haven’t had one of those in a long time.

These recent dreams are emotionally bad; in each dream I experience breathtaking romantic love and crushing heartbreak. Sometimes one follows the other, sometimes I feel them both at the same time. I wake up with a terrible ache in my chest either way; the dreams are causing a very real physical reaction. The dreams are similar in nature, but not identical, though they have all involved one of two ex-boyfriends of mine from almost ten years ago. Weird right?

What the heck is my subconscious trying to tell me anyway? Oh and you mystical moon-dancing fairy freaks; please don’t go reaching for your dream dictionaries. I don’t buy into the supernatural dream mumbo-jumbo. I’m sure there is either a logical reason why I’m having these dreams, or it’s just completely random.

Last nights’ dream went something like this: I was hanging out with an old friend and was following her to someones house to do something or get something. Yes, that’s very vague, how well do you remember your dreams hours later? I remember the weather was nice, like a sunny June day, and we were in some kind of suburb. Neat green lawns stretched out in front of pastel-sided bungalows. Two-car garages yawned open with bicycles and skipping ropes strewn about within. The area was not familiar to me then within the dream, nor can I place it now that I’m awake. I don’t think my friend was familiar with the place either, but I’m not sure where that impression came from. I don’t remember arriving at our destination, my next flash is of us standing in the kitchen. White or beige kitchen cabinets and white appliances in a U-shape. Standing just to the left of the fridge was my ex-boyfriend, making juice from a can.

Now in real life, almost ten years ago, when this guy was my boyfriend, things ended in kind of a strained way. By strained, I mean that I was a complete, capital-B bitch. I ended a perfectly good relationship to be with some other guy, and on top of that I dumped him over the phone instead of being a decent human being and doing it to his face. Not a moment I’m proud of. Keep reading, this all ties into what was happening back in dream-land.

I don’t say anything to juice-making ex-boyfriend, and he says nothing to me. In fact, the whole time he keeps his back to me. This is where the really weird emotions come in. I don’t know how to explain it other than to say “suddenly, I’m hopelessly in love with my ex boyfriend”. I don’t “realize” that I’m in love with him, because that would imply that I felt that way all along and the reality of it just hit me. No, I went from indifference to love in zero seconds flat.

There I am in a strange house, in love with an ex boyfriend I haven’t talked to in almost a decade, and he won’t even look at me. Queue the feelings of crushing heartache. Yep, everything went that fast from bliss to pain.

I take my friend outside with me, and fill her in on the situation. I confess everything to her; how rotten I was in the past and how strongly I feel about him now. She says she’s going to go feed the birds in the back yard, and that I should try to say something to him. What the fuck, feed the birds? That’s just the randomness of a dream I guess.

I’m instantly teleported back into the bright white kitchen, and my feelings of heartache and regret are churning around in my gut and crawling up my throat. Still talking to his back, I manage to stutter out a weak apology for all the ways I’ve wronged him and I beg him to forgive me, then I confess that I have feelings for him and hope beyond hope that he returns them. He turns around, the look on his face is neither smug nor sympathetic. It’s the perfect poker face. He opens his mouth to speak, and I wake up.

It’s strange waking up from a dream, realizing it was a dream, but still feeling the physical sensations from that dream. It’s unnerving. I rolled over and reached out my hand. I ran the tips of my fingers through Robs hair as he snored away beside me. It’s something I find comforting, and it was exactly what I needed just then.

I hope this most recent dream has finally purged whatever is bothering my subconscious. I can’t think of anything in my waking life that would be causing these weird dreams. Well, unless you count my daily gorging of chocolate from these two five-pound boxes of pecan clusters we have at work. That couldn’t be it, right?

Rate this topic:

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...