Communication; it’s a two-way street. You readers that know me personally know that I’m a great listener, but only IF you can get me in that lane. Otherwise I will talk your ear off. You also know that I can get really animated and enthusiastic when I talk. What’s important is that I KNOW THIS about myself. If I’m talking with someone I try to stay aware of the conversation and put as much effort into listening as I do talking.

The whole two-way communication thing is especially important when you’re getting to know someone, and that brings me to a conversation I had a while ago with a…dudeguy. He seemed nice enough on the dating site, we passed a few messages back and forth and then decided to add each other to IM. It was soon after that he earned the nickname “caffeine guy”.

The guy talks, and talks, and talks…like a million miles a minute.

Seriously.

His chat messages.

Look like this.

Constantly.

All the time.

And he randomly changes topics.

Rainbow monkey lightbulb bathtub.

That in itself isn’t a deal breaker, but let me add that not only does he talk a lot, and fast – he also doesn’t pay attention to what the other person says.

Example anyone? Voila:

dudeguy: how were the movies the other day

amyt: ugh, well…I guess I showed up a bit too early. Like a whole week early. The film fest starts this Thursday.

dudeguy: nice

dudeguy: who showed up early?

dudeguy: your period ?

amyt: um, what?

dudeguy: you said guess who came a week early

dudeguy: usually that means your period

amyt: I think you need to slow down and read carefully.

dudeguy: let me see

dudeguy: oooh you came early

Awkward much?

So how does a busy single lady meet new people?
Bars? Definitely not.
The Library? Not in the age of e-readers and amazon-dot-com.
I did what any internet-addicted geek would do and joined a few dating sites.

I get a lot of mixed reactions from people about online dating, and I can understand why. When you can cast your net over an ocean as wide as the internet you can pull in a lot of fish; but we all know that quantity is not the same as quality.

Let me give you an example. This wonderful bit of prose sure did make a first impression, but probably not the kind that the author intended:

wow very nice profile ….hello I was just reading Ur profile and Ur in to a lot of stuff very nice and i like the lady thing very clever never thought about it like that would u care to chat some time i dont think i have every read a profile like urs thumbs up to u very well said

Ahem. Where to start? The message alone is cringe-worthy, but when you consider that the guy (supposedly) took the time to actually read my profile and yet still thought this was an appropriate ice breaker? Ugh.

At least he didn’t include a picture of himself with his dick in his hand. Yes that has happened, and more than once.

Footnote: I’m still not sure about blogging about my dating experiences, but this story begged to be told. If you liked it or hated it please let me know in a comment! Positive feedback will make it more likely that you will see additional tales of “Amy’s Adventures in Romance” on here.

1. Do you really make wishes when you blow out the candles on your cake?
My birthday cakes don’t usually have candles anymore. I guess people think I’m too old for that stuff now. If I did have candles I would definately make wishes.

2. Have any of the wishes ever come true, if yes?
I don’t recall, but probably yes. I tend to grab the reigns and force my wishes to come true.

3. How do you feel about birthdays? (e.g. love the attention, just another day, don’t want anyone to know my real age, etc.)
I like the attention and I FREAKING LOVE PRESENTS!!! Also, I don’t care so much about my age.

4. Tell us a favorite gift you’ve received, or something you’d really like for your next birthday.
For my most recent birthday Jasmin bought me a tea set I had been lusting over for months. Sometimes there are things that I want but I won’t let myself just run out and buy them, so instead I torture myself by “visiting” the thing at the store regularly and talking about it non-stop. Jasmin and I were at the mall and she asked me to “show” her the tea set I was always talking about. Then she proceeded to spend about half of her own birthday money from a few months earlier to get me the best birthday gift ever.

5. What flavor cake?
Fuck cake; I want steak on my birthday! Church Street Steakhouse anyone?

Independent Romantic Comedies

Huh. I wouldn’t have believed it myself, but now I just can’t stop watching them. Here’s the low-down on what’s been making me laugh, cry, and bawww for the past few weeks:

TiMER

Taking the concept of a ‘biological clock’ to a whole new level, science has created an implant that can tell you when you will meet your soul mate (within 24-hours at least). The heroine, unfortunately, has had her timer stuck at all zeroes since it activated and is starting to loose hope that there is anyone out there for her. I totally feel her pain. This movie is just adorable in all respects: great cast of characters, solid acting, and humorous writing make this a contender for a spot on my “Favorite Movies” list.

(500) Days of Summer

Ugh, this sucked. Alright well it didn’t suck so much as it sucked me in and broke my heart. We jump forward and back in time a bit with this one as we see sweet and romantic Tom try to figure out what went wrong in his relationship with Summer. I probably would have liked it more if it didn’t show me parts of myself I didn’t want to – the same parts that eventually leave Tom all alone with his heart shredded into a million pieces. This was not a “feel good” romantic movie for me. Your mileage may vary.

Wristcutters: A Love Story

So dark, so surreal. In this movie there is a special afterlife set aside just for victims of suicide. It’s not a fire-and-brimstone hell, but it is a little nutty. Zia finds himself in this eternal land of dullness after slitting his wrists. He teams up with a Russian rock star and together they embark on an epic road trip in search of…well, you’ll just have to watch it to find out. I have to admire the talent it takes to make such a lighthearted movie from such a dark topic. The end result was a little predicable and it wasn’t overly romantic, but it was funny and entertaining.

Good Dick

Another unforgettable title, another strange but endearing love story. A clerk at an adult video store falls love-at-first-sight-style for a strange sullen shut-in girl with a penchant for soft-core porn. He does a million things that would never work in real life – basically breaking into her apartment building and forcing himself into her life. It makes me want to have the courage to put myself out there and take chances. It’s a decidedly unromantic romance; not at all what you expect, but somehow it works perfectly. This one is truly unique.

Happy Accidents

There are so many great scenes in this movie. I’ve already watched it twice. I love the two main actors in this – such chemistry! I really identify with the heroine in this one. She loves easily and loves big and makes herself a little crazy in the process. The unfortunate drawback is that she’s kind of a doormat and an enabler for some pretty dysfunctional men. Enter Sam Deed; sweet, funny, playful, smart. At first he seems perfect, then he confesses to be a time traveler. Oh poor Ruby! So cute. See it, see it, see it!

1. Have you ever dressed up as a Disney character?
Not that I can remember, but who knows what the future holds.

2. What was your favorite Disney movie growing up?
Since at one time my family owned a video store and I had unlimited access to just about every Disney title ever this is a tough question. There are a few, like the Jungle Book, that I remember watching again and again.

3. Which Disney character can you relate to the most?
Belle from Beauty and the Beast, and not just because we’re both brunettes. I think she’s the least “princessy” of the princesses without being too butch at the same time.

4. Have you ever been to a Disney theme park?
Yes. Mom and dad took my brother and I to Disney World when I was eleven. Mom was six months pregnant at the time – something I was oblivious to then but amazes me now. I dragged her all over the place all day long for a week, I don’t know how she did it. Also, I had to pretend I was still ten because it got me in cheaper.

5. When does someone become “too old” for Disney?
Never really, so long as they continue to make timeless movies with wide appeal. I prefer not to think of the question as being specific to Disney though – we are never to old for animated films in general.

But seriously, where have I been? I was browsing through old posts and realized that the last time I was really happy about blogging was probably 2004. It was a happy time in my life too, and I guess it’s easier to share your life with strangers when you’re happy. I need to stop obsessing about if my posts are poignant or useful and just have some fun around here.

So in a tradition that has been dead for almost six years, I bring you this week’s Friday Five:

1. What do you really want to be when you grow up? A starfighter pilot. If that can’t happen then I’ll settle for hobby farmer, writer, costumer, and (as always) a big geek.
2. Where were you born? Montreal
3. Who were you with on September 11, 2001? I was alone. I was home for lunch and watching TV when I saw the footage of the first plane crash. I went back to work, but not much work was going on at that point.
4. When do you brush your teeth? In the morning, after breakfast, just before I run out the door. Also before bed (most of the time), and sometimes before a meeting or social occasion.
5. Where is Waldo? You don’t want to know.

Also, I make a wild guess at what my gift could be.

I got matched up to a lucky redditor who I’ll probably talk about in a later video, and some mysterious redditor got my name and mailing address. Last Friday a message from a user called “yourredditsanta” told me that my gift was in the mail, coming from upstate New York.

So far this whole thing has been a blast and I’m mega-excited about my gift, so I’m going to document the whole ordeal on video and share the fun!